Is a sad sack enough to call it quits?

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A relationship is about two people clicking and a ton of factors go into a happy, healthy relationship. Mutual love, respect and enjoying each other are great but what about sex? Is sex such a big deal that we should hinge our relationship choices on it? And does it make you a bad person to choose not to be with someone you don’t sexually connect with?

An ideal relationship satisfies mind, body and soul and for a lot of people, sex is a way to connect intimately with their partners. Sure, it’s about physical pleasure too, but what could bring two people closer than a romp in the sack? Sex is something you share with your partner that’s just between the two of you. It’s impossible to have good sex without good communication, so bad sex could be an indicator of much bigger problems in the relationship.

A sure fire way of making yourself dissatisfied with your sex life is to compare yourself with other people. Don’t think about the sex you think you “should” be having, think about the sex you want to have. Just because your roommate seems to have a sex life straight out of a skin flick doesn’t mean that’s right for your own relationship.

If you and your partner both have low libidos and are perfectly happy only having sex every few weeks, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! It’s when your sex drives don’t match up that it becomes a problem. If one partner is more adventurous or energetic, a lack-luster sex life could leave him/her feeling unsatisfied or worse, undesirable.

Whatever you do, don’t try to “fix” your partner. Counselling is a great option, but only when the couple takes a team approach at fixing their relationship. Blaming your partner and trying to fix him or her is only going to cause resentment and that may be the great divide that ends up ruining your relationship. If you decide to stick it out and improve your sexual chemistry, look at it as a challenge to improve communication and try new things together!

Obviously, sex isn’t everything in a relationship but every person is entitled to have their own deal-breakers. Lacking an intimately physical relationship is a perfectly good reason to call things off if you’re not happy. Keep in mind that if you’re unhappy with your sex life, you’re unhappy with a large part of your relationship and you need to evaluate whether everything else is worth the pain of a dead bedroom.

Emily is in her fourth year of Political Science. She loves studying and academics which follows into her research work. She's a stern black coffee drinker and is a proud Acadienne. When she's not working or doing school work, you can find Emily listening to 70s music on vinyl and watching Parks and Recreation. If you ask her about parliamentary institutions, she won't stop talking.