Should You Have a Threesome? Things to consider

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A threesome is like the holy grail of sexual escapades. It’s new, it’s exciting, it’s fun but it’s also a very delicate situation that takes some careful planning and deliberation. How can three people, especially if two of them are in a committed relationship, go about having successful group sex?

Finding a third: This might be the hardest part, but online classifieds are teeming with people looking to spice up their sex lives. Try kijiji, craigslist or other personal ads. I would suggest steering clear of people you know and will see in your day-to-day life. It might make things awkward in and outside of the bedroom and if you’re inviting a third into an already committed relationship, it’s a recipe for disastrous jealousy. You could try local bars, swingers clubs or even give the threesome a go while you’re on vacation.

Once you’ve found your third, set rules and stick to them! Whether the encounter is a female-male-female (FMF) or female-male-male (FMM) (or any other combination), everyone needs to clearly and explicitly voice their concerns and boundaries. Is everyone required to wear a condom (this should be a necessity)? Is penetrative or oral sex allowed? Who’s going to be the centre of attention? These are all things you should figure out before you venture into the bedroom. Respecting everyone’s comfort levels is the key to successful group sex.

Location, location, location! Be sure you have a safe, private place to play. Set the mood with candles and music. If it’s a couple +1 event, it would be best to pick a place where the single can leave and the couple can stay afterward. Avoid lingering and drawing out the ménage-a-trois into becoming more than just sex, because there can be a lot of negative emotions if things get too serious especially if you’re prone to jealousy.

Use protection! Even if you’re a couple that normally forgoes the condom in favour of another type of birth control, remember that a threesome is not a relationship. Things can happen, people lie or may not even be aware that they’re infected with something. You don’t want to complicate a no-strings-attached encounter with an unwanted infection or pregnancy.

Finally, have fun! Communication is key but don’t talk yourselves to death, go with the flow, pick up on each other’s non-verbal cues and do what feels good in the moment, after all, that’s the whole reason you’re there!