photo credit: acidcow.com
B-D-S-M, it stands for Bondage, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism and it’s all about control. One person relinquishes it and the other takes it. It can free you sexually and turn you on in a way that you’d never imagine. Here are some beginner’s tips to embarking on a BDSM adventure of your own.
Take it slow and make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Especially if you and your partner have never had kinky sex before, diving head first into a BDSM lifestyle is a sure-fire way to scare each other off.
A BDSM relationship should be about growing as individuals and having really fulfilling sex as a couple, so the very first and most important thing you should do is communicate. A lot of people look at BDSM as a lifestyle overall and not something that is just contained to the bedroom, so it’s super important to know each other’s boundaries and expectations. You and your partner should sit down and hash our exactly what your fantasies and expectations are before getting physical. BDSM has the potential to be the best, most fulfilling sex of your life, but it also has the potential to seriously damage a relationship without communication, so work these things out beforehand (NOT during!) and don’t forget your “safe word!”
The safe word: This should be figured out well before you try any kind of role playing. A safe word is a word that stops everything when one member isn’t comfortable with what’s happening. Some couples use the stoplight system. Green means go, everyone’s happy and things should continue or progress. Yellow means taking it down a notch, taking a step back and discussing what’s happening, but the sex can continue. Red means everything comes to a halt.
Dom & sub: A lot of couples who enjoy BDSM sex will have a dominant and a submissive party. Dominance can be as simple as being more selfish in bed, making bedroom “rules.” or doling out rewards and punishments. It’s all about taking control and getting what you want. Being submissive is sometimes a better place to start if one person in the relationship is new to all of this. It’s about following the lead, obeying the rules and trying to please your partner. Even though it sounds like there is an imbalance of power, both members of this type of relationship are equals, both get a say in it and both party’s boundaries are respected.
Bondage is a big part of many dominant/submissive relationships. It’s used to immobilize the sub and is pleasurable for both sides. There are a ton of different restraints you can use to tie up your partner, but if you’re just starting out, try using a scarf or another type of unintimidating cloth. Chains and handcuffs come later if you decide you’re into bondage. Read up on bondage before trying to, to avoid cutting off circulation or injuring the sub.
Starting out, try out your fantasies while staying in your comfort zone (starting out with phone sex, for example). After you’ve both established what you like and want, move on to kinkier stuff, like light bondage or flogging. Just like anything else, it’s a great idea to try different things. Try swapping dom/sub roles, try gagging or blindfolding and see where the relationship takes you!
