**SPOOF** Children’s songs to be studied with new program at UNB Saint John

301

Earlier today UNB Saint John announced the creation of a new program, devoted to the analysis of the lyrics of the popular children’s songs.

While details are scarce and there have been no confirmed enrollments or faculty appointed, the Baron has learned that there will be $200,000 budget allocated to the project for the first year.

Professor Geoffrey Shakespeare, head of the English department, and Professor Jacques Freud, head of the psychology department, have both donated the entirety of their salaries to the new program stating, “This is a fantastic step for UNB Saint John, top notch education.”

The SRC is also behind the move purportedly moving the entirety of the SRC budget, including the salaries of all the SRC members and staff.
“We hope that this will bring a twinkle twinkle to all the stars at UNB Saint John,” says a spokesperson for the organization.

The university senate has applauded the SRC’s actions, stating, “The SRC has done a great service to the university. We encourage other groups to follow this example.”

The Baron is also on board and has diverted its investigative resources to help discover answers to important question like “Did Mary have a little lamb?”, and “Was it’s fleece as white as snow?”

Equipment and office supplies will be sold off to help fund the momentous and important research.

In order to help boost the popularity of the new program, Local 107.3 the campus and community radio station has adjusted its programming to include the new genre. “We are very excited to announce that we will be playing children’s songs only,” says the station manager.

“I think it is a wonderful way to encouraged us to join the program,” says Mark, a second year science student who is hoping to transfer in.

Recruitment has also announced that there will be a scholarship for elementary school students stating that “Those who sing it the best and the loudest will get free tuition for two years.”

UNB Saint John has also announced a moratorium on killing itsy-bitsy spiders, and is entering a competitive ring around the rosy team in the local circuit.