How to pick up and hook up on Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day is geared toward couples-there’s no denying that, but this doesn’t mean that they get to have all the fun. What better time to score than on a day designed to make single people feel lonely and vulnerable? Banish those V-day blues and get out there!

Since Valentine’s Day is on a Thursday this year, there is likely to be at least a small crowd at the bars uptown. Most couples are spending time in, or out to dinner, so the bar should be full of either people who don’t give a sh*t about Valentine’s Day, or single, lonely people, ripe for the pickin’. Of course, it’s not cool to take advantage of vulnerable people, but there are probably plenty of folks looking for a no-strings-attached good time. All you have to do is try not to act like a creep and you’re in!

Act like a gentleman (or lady!). You don’t want to come off as a jerk, or be too weepy about spending Valentine’s Day alone. Straighten up, be polite, don’t talk about your ex and keep the drinks flowing. No one wants to wake up on Feb. 15 (a Friday, no less) next to the biggest a**h*le from the bar. Many single people are lamenting their lack of love, not sex, on Valentine’s Day, so turn on the charm!

Another place people often overlook is the local “toy store.” This can be a tricky one because some couples like to incorporate toys into the bedroom, but there could also be plenty of single folks looking for a little pick-me-up. So make conversation, but remember not to come on too strong here, because after all, you’re in a sex store!

If all else fails, there is always your ex. A lot of us aren’t on “talking terms” with our exes, some of us are still on f**king terms. As long as they’re not seeing someone new, chances are that on Valentine’s Day, they’ll be thinking about you and maybe you’re not looking like such a bad option. Text them asking if they remember last Valentine’s Day, or some other funny story when you were together and see where the night takes you.

Finally, no matter what happens, make sure your place is clean! Nothing kills the mood like stale pizza and half-empty beers. Clean up a little, make the place smell good and have the fridge stocked. You wouldn’t want all of your efforts to go to waste by looking like a slob, would you?

If you do end up at home to spend another Valentine’s Day alone, it’s a lot easier to cry into clean sheets.